Biro's Inspiratos

A timely lesson by Jolinda Boris-Garlandia

Here is how to become a true female gay icon:

1. Fuse the styles of street smart high class hooker and higher regal society lady mother-in-law. (In body language terms for example this could be interpreted as combining a lot of cleavage with the downward gaze- do this to everyone, including your puppy)

2. Dress elaborately, even for breakfast. In fact especially for breakfast. Goddess is in the detail, the symbolic detail. Use a lot of red during the prayer hour.

3. Surround yourself with ruggedly handsome heterosexual men- the more unattainable the men appear to gays the more they will swoon. (Note: if you cannot deal and be seen to deal with these kind of men, to enhance, harness, control, and direct their libidos, then you will only be capable of becoming a "fag hag", a status attained by the mediocre)

4. Acquire as much money as possible and be publicly seen to invest it in artists and art. Patronage is the age old tool for assuming power- give it to others and it will return to you many times stronger.

5. This is the most important part. Pay attention. Always, and I repeat always, remember that stars are only stars when they are distant and bright. Distant- apart, out of reach, separate, at a remove. Bright- shining, glorious, splendid, intelligent, and brilliant.