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...as the conversation flowed
Leslie Spoon: hi
Colette Withering: hi
Leslie Spoon:
or should i say Hello?
Colette Withering: same difference
Leslie Spoon: How formal would you like this to be?
Colette Withering: informal is fine thanks
Leslie Spoon: Oh good
Leslie Spoon: Now let us begin
Leslie Spoon: Where shall we start?
Colette Withering: ok then
Colette Withering: what are you looking for?
Leslie Spoon: I am looking for darkness, the area into which I shall spill
my juices
Colette Withering: how nice
Leslie Spoon: Yes, I indulge in the niceties, they console me against
the tide of woe that befalls humanity
Colette Withering: that's handy
Leslie Spoon: It is isn't it
Colette Withering: anyway... which bit of london are you in?
Leslie Spoon: so the last time I poured said juice into said darkness
was a mere week ago
Colette Withering: which juice are you talking about?
Leslie Spoon: The most pungent kind
Colette Withering: I can think of a couple that are equally pungent
Colette Withering: depending on the person they come out of...
Leslie Spoon: Equality in things is an illusion my dear. Surely you must
know that given your position?
Colette Withering: my statement makes sense. yours says nothing
Leslie Spoon: The Buddhists would have me profound then, what?
Leslie Spoon: Ok, forgive me. Let us begin again
Colette Withering: they'd probably think you're a tit if you talk the
same way you write
Leslie Spoon: A tit? A small bird?
Forgive me again, I don't wish to appear ignoble, but what can your meaning
be?
Colette Withering: tit... literally speaking, a word for the female breast,
related to the spanish 'teta'... used as a term of abuse for someone perceived
to be a bit of a wanker
Leslie Spoon: I try not to touch what others touch for me as a duty in
their lowly life
Colette Withering: 'wanker' was figurative, not literal
Leslie Spoon: I confuse the two- in such a unique position I have of art
critic to the masses. I enchant their small worlds with the glow of meaning
Colette Withering: no you dont. have you any idea how few people like
art criticism compared to the people who like art? And they aren't unique..
every crappy newspaper has one
Leslie Spoon: Therefore I am forever running from and towards meaning,
snatching away the literal to give to the figurative
Leslie Spoon: and vice versa
Colette Withering: or 'talking mince' as most people would describe it...
Colette Withering: and as usual... most people are right
Leslie Spoon: I never mince my words my sweet
Colette Withering: never said you do
Colette Withering: I said you talk mince
Leslie Spoon: Forgive me ignorance of street slang. It is clear that we
move in altogether differing social arenas
Colette Withering: is slightly more polite than saying you talk shite..
but has the same meaning
Colette Withering: yes... you're head is up your own arse.. I prefer to
be in other peoples'
Colette Withering: sorry 'your' not 'you're'
Leslie Spoon: So you do enjoy receiving gifts from the underbelly of the
world?
Leslie Spoon: Both solid and liquid?
Colette Withering: never tried the former
Colette Withering: though I'm sure you have a plentiful supply
Leslie Spoon: Well I confess that on occasion one has to let parts of
oneself fall to the wayside
Leslie Spoon: But I always favour that wayside to have consciousness
Colette Withering: you don't do it when they're asleep? How nice of you
Leslie Spoon: I can see you are a man of some perception. At this moment
I feel quite proud of you
Colette Withering: really? I only tend to feel proud of people I know...
or were you just being patronising?
Leslie Spoon: Patronage is a lost support system for suffering artists.
Colette Withering: like many words, it has various uses in the language
Leslie Spoon: Any patronage I give will never be demeaning
Colette Withering: anyway...
Leslie Spoon: Yes?
Colette Withering: nothing. have you finished showing me how many words
you know yet?
Leslie Spoon: Not quite- have you ever heard of the term sfumato?
Colette Withering: no, and I wouldnt allow it in scrabble without proof
Leslie Spoon: Well I assure you that it is a most profound technique of
Lord da Vinci
Leslie Spoon: But enough of this.
Colette Withering: but I'd guess the technique of blurring or softening
sharp outlines by subtle and gradual blending
Leslie Spoon: It does neither of us any good
Colette Withering: yeah.. 'anyway...' is pretty much the same as 'enough
of this'
Leslie Spoon: Well done. You have understood the term. I shant repeat
my pride- in spite of the law of repetition being in fact a form of change
Colette Withering: actually, I just pasted it from a google results page
Leslie Spoon: Really? My good Lady! I am shocked!
Leslie Spoon: Do you often feel the urge to receive great pourings?
Colette Withering: nah, just every now and again
Leslie Spoon: what events or feelings brings you to those moments?
Colette Withering: nothing in particular that I've noticed
Leslie Spoon: And it is only the latter and never the former that occupies
your deepest longings?
Colette Withering: neither is a 'longing'. I've done the latter a few
times. I might try the former some time. The guy would have to be very
good looking though
Leslie Spoon: If not a 'longing' then what is the precise word you would
use?
Colette Withering: something that turns me on a bit... but no big deal.
It wouldnt bother me if I couldnt do these things. It would bother me
if I couldnt do other things. Therefore the word 'longing' was too strong
Colette Withering: do you 'long' to shit in someone's mouth?
Leslie Spoon: What would bother you most if it was stripped from your
possibilities?
Colette Withering: out of sex? not sure. maybe someone sitting on my face.
maybe cuddling. dont know
Leslie Spoon: What I most long for is to burn brightly
Leslie Spoon: Degrading is good fun I find. personally it provides me
with a glorious expanse
Colette Withering: Great. I said I was just talking about sex. I assume
you dont want to be set alight in bed.
Leslie Spoon: A fire in the bed will make it go red
Colette Withering: that's the first sensible thing you've said
Leslie Spoon: And perhaps the weakest
Colette Withering: well let's not start playing with words again
Leslie Spoon: You would rather play with turds?
Colette Withering: no, but there are other options
Leslie Spoon: Remind me of my options then oh rule setter
Colette Withering: for example ->
Colette Withering: you can click 'ignore'
Colette Withering: or disconnect
Leslie Spoon: One option I would never exercise
Leslie Spoon: That would be beyond my mannered approach
Leslie Spoon: Disconnection would be terribly rude
Colette Withering: not if you say 'bye' first
Colette Withering: right. good luck finding someone to degrade. bye
Leslie Spoon: I do apologise,I was engaged in a telephone conversation
Colette Withering: no need to apologise. am in an internet cafe, it is
closing, so I am going home
Leslie Spoon: really?
Leslie Spoon: that is shameful
Colette Withering: what is?
Leslie Spoon: leaving
Leslie Spoon: Your profile is rather naked
Leslie Spoon: and yet the flow of your conversation holds much promise
Colette Withering: the profile serves a purpose. You would not have clicked
on me if I had a different profile, I would guess
Leslie Spoon: True there is something in the anonymity that intrigues
me
Colette Withering: oh, you meant the lack of a picture? I show a picture
to people I might meet. I prefer to choose who sees it. That is all
Leslie Spoon: the darkness of a blank profile- who does it contain?
Leslie Spoon: The lack of any information bar the name.
Leslie Spoon: I can see the moment- the face, the head
Colette Withering: well, we had plenty of time in which I could have filled
in some blanks, but we chose to indulge ourselves in talking shit instead
Leslie Spoon: now now young man, you raised the topic of solids first-
i spoke of liquids until that moment
Colette Withering: no, I mentioned arses. not 'solids'
Leslie Spoon: Mention me more of you
Colette Withering: too late for relevant questions. like I said, I have
to go
Leslie Spoon: I have always said- the only timely questions are the irrelevant
ones
Colette Withering: well, I disagree
Colette Withering: on that note - bye
Leslie Spoon: which note? sing me it!
Leslie Spoon: ok goodbye. have a happy rest of evening
Colette Withering is not available
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The Lost Art Of Defeating Boredom
Steelworker: hi
Court Poet: Hello to you too
Steelworker: how ru
Court Poet: I am quite delightful
Court Poet: and how indeed are you?
Steelworker: I am fine
Steelworker: a bit bored
Steelworker: but okay
Court Poet: Pray tell, what has caused you this insufferable curse of
boredom?
Court Poet: I of course cannot imagine what the state of boredom feels
like. My every moment is loaded with sensational meaning.
Court Poet: farewell.
A Worthy Topic
Pastry Chef: hi
Gym Instructor: hi
Pastry Chef: how r u?
Gym Instructor:
ook
Gym Instructor: you?
Pastry Chef: Im currently enjoying a cup of ceylon.
I am very well indeed
Gym Instructor: lovely
Pastry Chef: Are you a tea
drinker?
Gym Instructor: not so much
Gym Instructor: yank=coffee
Pastry Chef: ah, the bean and not the leaf
Gym Instructor: 'zactly
Pastry Chef:
Your colloquialisms are almost too much for my nervous disposition. Your
last statement almost made me fall of my chair with its crushing directness
Pastry Chef: However both typer and chair are intact so I will continue.
Pastry Chef: From where in the land beyond Atlanta do you spring?
Gym Instructor:
o dear
Gym Instructor: you mean beyond atlantis?
Gym Instructor: because
i dont think there is much east of atlanta is there? at least not before
san francisco
Pastry Chef: Ah yes, fare Atlanta, the ocean of the great
migration
Pastry Chef: It was she that I was speaking of
Gym Instructor:
generally it goes the other direction, but i have a feeling your shores
will be teaming with the poor of North america yearning to breathe free
Pastry Chef: Well of course the bush burns wild in your prairie roseland
Pastry Chef: Does it sadden you?
Pastry Chef: Have you fled in protest?
Gym Instructor: no
Gym Instructor: actually, i think my country needs
me more than ever
Gym Instructor: but here i am
Pastry Chef: To abandon
a place that needs you displays all the manners of a poet- are you one?
Gym Instructor: alas, i am not, no.
Pastry Chef: Pray tell what do you
do?
Gym Instructor: but some of my best friends are poets. there's nothing
wrong with it.
Gym Instructor: what you write in the privacy of your own
home is ok by me
Gym Instructor: i write
Gym Instructor: utterly non fiction
Pastry Chef: I can see you are a man of a certain sense of self-knowledge
Pastry Chef: My admiration grows...
Gym Instructor: good to hear
Pastry Chef: Can there be anything beyond fiction? Surely all life is but a projection
onto the unknowable?
Pastry Chef: However, which imagined reality do you
write of?
Pastry Chef: surely not Atlantis??
Gym Instructor: o dear
Pastry Chef: You are silent now...have I knock you off a chair?
Gym Instructor:
how foucault
Pastry Chef: Ah, you are back
Gym Instructor: or is it derrida
Pastry Chef: Foucault? tsk tsk
Pastry Chef: Derrida? tsk tsk
Pastry Chef:
Kant is my man
Gym Instructor: o dear
Gym Instructor: out of my league
then ;-)
Pastry Chef: I'm sure you can give me a run for my millions
Pastry Chef: Do you read the french frequently?
Pastry Chef: I indulge in some
dangerous Laclos nightly
Gym Instructor: goodness
Gym Instructor: not
really--just a sociologist here and there. bourdieu, boltanski
Pastry Chef:
Goodness for me too- you have a profile link that leads to no profile-
are you an existentialist??
Pastry Chef: A sociology. A worthy topic
Gym
Instructor: lol
Gym Instructor: occasionally.
Gym Instructor: meaningless
Gym Instructor: bougeois
Gym Instructor: but it keeps me busy
Pastry Chef:
occasion, meaningless, and bourgeois- these are what I meant by worthy
Pastry Chef: Forgive me, I am not taking you as seriously as my style will
allow
Pastry Chef: What would you be doing if you were not busy?
Gym Instructor:
you arent?
Gym Instructor: eating
Gym Instructor: actually, i should probably
do that soon... still at work here!
Pastry Chef: I have found that idleness
is conducive to genius- I try to do as little as possible for most of
my time
Gym Instructor: very Wilde of you
Pastry Chef: The rest of my time
I am afraid to say I indulge in manual labour
Pastry Chef: I breathe
Pastry Chef: Ah dear old Oscar- he once slipped my a cigarette case. I told him
I didn't smoke
Gym Instructor: ya Gym Instructor: just
watch out for the Marquis
Pastry Chef: Are you speaking of my great great
great french uncle?
Gym Instructor: i don't think so.
Gym Instructor:
No, I was referring to the other one.
Pastry Chef: Or do you mean that
loathsome man who provided rules for the pugilistic sports
Pastry Chef:
Yes, that man. I shudder at his name.
Gym Instructor: o dear
Pastry Chef:
Do you dine at the Savoy?
Gym Instructor: you've wrizzed right past me
Gym Instructor: whizzed
Gym Instructor: and unfortunately, i need to get
a move on here so i'm not sure i will be able to catch up
Pastry Chef:
You declared yourself a non-poet and yet you create new words?
Lets invent
a meaning for wrizzed.
Pastry Chef: What are you attempting to catch up
on?
Pastry Chef: I have been neglecting my ceylon, she looks at my with
shame
Gym Instructor: sorry Gym Instructor:
phone Pastry Chef: I have so
enjoyed our exchange though
Gym Instructor: than i'm taking off...
Gym
Instructor: ;-9
Gym Instructor: same here
Pastry Chef: That saddens me
greatly
Pastry Chef: Shall we converse another time?
Gym Instructor: sure
Pastry Chef: You use msn?
Pastry Chef: pasty_delights_me_so@hotmail.com
Pastry Chef: Gym Instructor may now view your video.
Pastry Chef: These
pesky buttons
Gym Instructor: sorry phone
Pastry Chef: No problem. I understand
Pastry Chef: Is your telephone call proving more enlightening that our
talk of Atlanta?
Gym Instructor: um, yes
Pastry Chef: I am all astonishment-
please provide me with the enlightenment too
Pastry Chef: Have you neglected
your typing comrade for the more directly emotional telephonic voice?
Gym Instructor is not available
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